it's getting worse...

Everyday i feel like i'm standing alone in this world. Ppl are giving up hope on me. You too. I think i need professional help. I talk about my so called 'true friends'.. Hell with them.

the world and me

Lately, i'm becoming a little depressed. Even turning alittle suicidal. I really hope it is due to the time of the month and the ridiculous thoughts thats passing through my head. But i kinda rmbed the very last time i felt like this about the same issue, i wasnt in the time of the month.

Even when i'm out with friends, i feel like i'm totally out of the universe. Like i dont belong anywhere near them. All i think about is you. U've became my comfort zone and i cant seem to step out of it. I sometimes wonder what would happen if you really left me? would i really turn suicidal?
I like to think myself as a strong person; lately this doesnt seem true. Am i losing all the happiness i get when i interact with ppl? The lively colours of my world seem to be fading into shades of grey.
People seem to distant themselves from me bcos i've loss all my usual hapiness that i give them. The truth is, i'm all alone in this world.

Rant 18

Just when i thought that everything was going smoothly.. Just yesterday, i told de that we're becoming better and more lovey dovey. Things change fast.

Damn angry now. i think u're a freaking lousy boyfriend. DAMN DAMN LOUSY. thanks.
You have no idea how to make ppl happy i guess. U just make matters worse.

I was looking forward to a date. EVERYTIME i do that, I'll get to enjoy comfort of my own self. FREAKING THANK YOU! in own sweet home. I rejected someone's offer to go out today even though we didnt have plans. Thought we could have been doing something. freaking sian.

haha. i just read my previous post. i guess it's still the wake up late attitude and half the day is already gone. thanks for wasting my precious morning mood.

Rant 17

MY GOD! freaking angry.
I can't stand your wake up late attitude. i really can bet, if it wasnt our date.. u'd been awake.
Then u wanna blame me? eh? keep complaining on the phone.. i'm damn sian damn sian cos very late already? Freak u

Rant 16 (all older post lost, cos i deleted it)

i shouldnt have deleted the old gimiabreak old blog.. no more avenure for me to vent my anger. so i'm starting a new one. i dont care if you find out about it.. venting out my anger like this feels good.

I blame my stupid self for recalling these unhappy thoughts.
At the table, when asked who am i voting for, my immediate candidate was u.. then i said, of cos i'll vote for my boon. A while later, u arrived at my table and announced that u were going to vote for someone else.. Knowing how i'll feel, i quickly turned away my attention.. but i know deep dwn, u've already tore open a part of my heart.. In front of everyone, whom i proudly mention that i'll be voting for u, i feel embrassed that u announced that u were voting for her instead. Now, i'm even regretting sending that sms to vote for u.. I'm quite certain given a reverse role, u wldnt have done the same.

All the stupid lies about me being very dressed suited to the theme, being pretty; freaking fu***ing damn lies lies lies! i think i've learnt a lesson frm today.. The flair u have in ur communication skills(which also allow u to win arguments with me all the time) plays a big role in telling ur stupid fake sweettalking.

I really hope one day u'll feel the same way i do.. Instead of voting for u, i'll vote for bang.. First person to come to my mindwouldnt be u, but bang. See how deep it'll hurt u..


this incident conclude my question on wad position u'll vote me given i went to the camp with u.. Apparently u dun know me that well.. Apparently u didnt know that i was a secetrary during my cca days in sec sch and a treasurer in jc.. and i enjoyed these roles. But u think someone else, who's much more strong in her stand will be of a better candidate than me.. It freaking upsets me. But, i just kept quiet bout it. The only reason why i didnt become treasurer last yr was cos when they asked for volunteers, joan volunteered herself so much quicker b4 i had the time to react.. So many if these things u'll nv know.. It just upsets me to know that u think i'm not capable of leading. thanks so much ya.

Finally, thank you making the first thing i do on our 16th annivesary is to cry. I keep telling myself, enough of wasted tears on u already. Time to focus on something else.

I am the master of my emotions, why should i let you affect my mood.