When 10 waves come crashing

A girl will always be upset when her boyfriend forgets their anniversary day.
It hurts even more when it falls on a public holiday every year and they've spent that holiday together since they met each other.
Now imagine it coupled with a quarrel with a friend..
090809... imagine a girl walking in a park at 2pm. tears flowing down her cheeks. all she could do was to feel sorry for herself. Holding on to her own words, not wanting to be the weakling, giving in.

yes, i'm a total loser.


Sunday's speaker said- deep down inside, we're all lonely. Well, for me it is. Friends- are they really there? My sis.. my dear sis.. she's long long gone. I've tried so freaking many times to hold her back. It's no use. Nothing can be done with just one party trying so hard to hold on to the other one.. I give up. Wheather or not she's worth it... I'm tired.

Sometimes i wonder.. if something happened, wld anyone know? Would the mighty 3 know? Nothing runs deep, it's all superficial.

While working, i have this colleague that talks on the phone with her best friends rather often. I hear her talk, it's so different from how we work. why? They have genuine concern for each other. No one ever showed me that. I often feel that whatever problems just becomes gossip topics.

Moving on.. that guy. Am i losing him? or is he losing me? Can i accept that this is him? His life? It defies the whole reason why i fell in love in the first place. Sometimes i wonder wld another guy come sweep me off? wld i remain here? Is there a better one out there for me? that's being selfish eh? Or maybe i shld say, is there someone better out there for both of us?

I have so much fear.. Fear of losing. Fear of unfarmiliarity. Fear of loneliness. Fear of sadness. But does that equate to love?

Somehow this love has alrdy set his throne in my heart. I've put in so much that i cant back out. Or rather, too afraid to back out..

Am i looking for these little things he can give me? or do i want those that he cant?