Am all sad.

A reply that hurts.

I should focus on some other things. I so so so feel like picking up this failed friendship so as to counter to him befriending my best girlfriend. A bond that i can never break.

I had many bad experiences with friendships in the past. Learning experiences.. These helped me meet my true friends today. Yet, i never expect these experiences can actually be used to help describe this relationship.

U expect me to stop questioning? Then what are YOU doing about it?! U felt like you did your best in assuring and maintaing your anger. Yah! that's bcos u're not outside the situation, looking at it at a broader view.. YOU are the one angry, how can then.. YOU feel like you've given in?

How about ME taking in all your anger? taking in all your hurtful words, taking in all your shouts. have u thought about that?!

and me blogging in our blog, just look at how many entries are yours and how many mine.

Rant 21

he said it again. for the hundredth time. WHAT THE HELL. asshole. he's such a jerk. I totally feel like going ahead with it. but it hurts. damn bad. FREAKING JERK. i hate him for hurting me so much. STUPID me. i hate this!!

hais, why do i put so much into this. i cant seem to back out.

nasty person, nasty me

This is my only avenue of trying to write something that i truly feel.
Today, a friend turned nasty. To the outside world, he's a nice friend. But when one day he decided to pick on you, that's it. I'd witness it, and now it's my turn- next on the list.
How can a guy be so short tempered. He's acting like a girl! Calling names? This gotta stop.
There's no one to tell but only the victims. Cos, no one would actually believe these were true.
During the good old days, he once told me that he was having a cold war with his friend, a girl. I was totally shocked. HOW can an adult act like that to a girl! I told him to just give in.
Twice, i saw him turn his back on 2 friends, both i knew. I had never thought much of the incident. Today, i had a clear picture. I'm guilty of believing him (on the story of aa) once. Cos i thought that the other party was kinda strong headed. I'm afraid i might be wrong.
Nastynasty things he did. I have never seen a sane man behaving like this to a female! Moreover a friend. I tried many times to see past these childish behaviours. But he cant. Maybe it's really time to let go of this friendememy. I pity he's girlfriend. That is, if he's ever going to get one.




So much of a nasty person. Now, nasty me.

I'd become obsessive. I never once dreamt that i'm this kind of a person. During singlehood, I saw myself to be a outgoing, attention grabbing, loud person with activites filled to the brim. My life now is now filled with silence. No one but me in this silence. I wonder if the so called sisters are really there. Everything seems bleek. I'm becoming less confident of myself, less outspoken, more reserved, less optimistic. I need to break away from him. Or rather, be the player, not the played. My feelings are sososo strong that i'd suffocate when i dun get enough of him. Yes, i'm overly obsessive. I blame it on my lack of confidence. The lack of activites. Lack of friends. But deep down, i know i've change.

I shall change, with the help of god. I really want to. I shall make a list:
- Keep comments about ppl around him to myself
- Let him do what he wants
- His happiness should be my pirority
- Stop being paranoid
- Stop thinking of the worst
- Breathe
- Be nice

Because of lord, i will.

Rant 20

I've learnt that some things are really meant to be kept inside me... A friend once told me, certain things are meant for friends to hear, and not bf... i did not believe her, i felt that my guy was one that i can fully express my thoughts to.. Apparently not. I think i just added another stab into our relationship... Can this ever get any worse... i dread to think of our split. I have thoughts that he'd be so upset with me that his patience with me will be all lost.. I think it's i've pushed him too far.

Why arent there guys that have the charateristic from the dramas??? why cant they react in th way that'll make us happy. I can dream and it'll never some true.

I really should think before i speak, blog it down first..

Rant 19- Guys will always be guys

i guess i cant blame anyone here. They take yes and no literally without inferring to hints made before and after. how disappointing. why cant god make guys like girls and girls like guys.. then there'll be peace.
I really DONT want to see. lets NOT go watch a show. u DONT have to come over. THANKS.

it's getting worse...

Everyday i feel like i'm standing alone in this world. Ppl are giving up hope on me. You too. I think i need professional help. I talk about my so called 'true friends'.. Hell with them.

the world and me

Lately, i'm becoming a little depressed. Even turning alittle suicidal. I really hope it is due to the time of the month and the ridiculous thoughts thats passing through my head. But i kinda rmbed the very last time i felt like this about the same issue, i wasnt in the time of the month.

Even when i'm out with friends, i feel like i'm totally out of the universe. Like i dont belong anywhere near them. All i think about is you. U've became my comfort zone and i cant seem to step out of it. I sometimes wonder what would happen if you really left me? would i really turn suicidal?
I like to think myself as a strong person; lately this doesnt seem true. Am i losing all the happiness i get when i interact with ppl? The lively colours of my world seem to be fading into shades of grey.
People seem to distant themselves from me bcos i've loss all my usual hapiness that i give them. The truth is, i'm all alone in this world.