Friday, April 9, 2010
He is one heartless creature..
Heartless! Unbelievable... Today marks our 31 month tog. No doubt a friday too. He totally going to leave me and join his friends to GAME! I cantcan't stand his gaming habbits anymore! Not only so, I cant believe that he actually pretend to not to see me crY! wad a JERK!!!! Though I may have given my consent the day before, I am disappointed that he didntdidn't eVen make an effort to make things better! Come on, cant u at least make an effort to change the Venue , or maybe end earlier? Things kind of things also need me to teach you? No heart.. Thats all i see.. I tried to be nice and all yesterday, cutting u the slack that for the hundredth time u forgot the day again... But the reason y I'm so mad is because how freaking a jerk u are by ignoring my feelings and pretending to not see me cry! At least in the past U'd had passed me a tissue! U dun deserve me! PISSED.
Wednesday, February 24, 2010
Rant 22
And now i feel stupid. My heart soften for just a split sec, and u took the advantage. U can all laugh at me now.
Let's start with yesterday: when u called at night, i just found out something that immediately put me in a really sad mood. But, NO u didnt realise..
Then u called again while i was outside, i was alrdy pissed that u took so long to call, then still shouted at me over the phone. But i still keep calling.. Aint I stupid? Whenever i hold on to the precious slience, it means something. Haven't you get it? It's called hoping for a chance. BUT NO! U dun get it. Never. Then another blow frm another incident, damn upset..
While getting ready to leave, called u again, hoping to have company during the dark journey back. Immediately after i put down the phone, i felt S T U P I D. why did i do it! It's not even appreciated. But at last i decided not to be so strong headed, and i didn't want it to end there, but u still dun know. I guess, it'll always be too much to expect from u to know. Why can't u call for the last time?
Then today, replies were painfully slow and S H O R T. I had a terrible day. and had been crying since early noon. In hope to get comfort from my partner, I got rejection. Then it dawned unto be that i have been relying too much on you. So i made a decision. But then your sigh made me soft hearted.. and now, i feel stupid again. i feel cheated. DAMN IT. screw u.
On a side note, i dressed up b4 i left hse, thinking of meeting u for a show.. U think i ALREADY KNEW that there was no dinner?
Let's start with yesterday: when u called at night, i just found out something that immediately put me in a really sad mood. But, NO u didnt realise..
Then u called again while i was outside, i was alrdy pissed that u took so long to call, then still shouted at me over the phone. But i still keep calling.. Aint I stupid? Whenever i hold on to the precious slience, it means something. Haven't you get it? It's called hoping for a chance. BUT NO! U dun get it. Never. Then another blow frm another incident, damn upset..
While getting ready to leave, called u again, hoping to have company during the dark journey back. Immediately after i put down the phone, i felt S T U P I D. why did i do it! It's not even appreciated. But at last i decided not to be so strong headed, and i didn't want it to end there, but u still dun know. I guess, it'll always be too much to expect from u to know. Why can't u call for the last time?
Then today, replies were painfully slow and S H O R T. I had a terrible day. and had been crying since early noon. In hope to get comfort from my partner, I got rejection. Then it dawned unto be that i have been relying too much on you. So i made a decision. But then your sigh made me soft hearted.. and now, i feel stupid again. i feel cheated. DAMN IT. screw u.
On a side note, i dressed up b4 i left hse, thinking of meeting u for a show.. U think i ALREADY KNEW that there was no dinner?
Monday, February 15, 2010
When all i need is a kiss
When was your last kiss?
I've read somewhere before that a girl judge her r/s by how often they kiss. I guess it's i am this kind of girl. And the last kiss was about 2 to 3 months ago? The fact that i cant even remember the last kiss means something. It means that i haven been kissing him for a long time.
No, i do not want any kisses on the cheek. Kiss me; kiss me real.
Ever felt like everything is on the balance scale, balanced. Yet, there is still unhappiness? Wads the missing ingredient in it? I have nnnooo idea. I'm just generally not happy. Why?!
Maybe I'm just not ready to love. Just caught Valentine's day in theathers today: love is to love every single part of the person, even the worst. Sounds hard to me. Sometimes i wonder is it the lack of experience that makes me what i am today.. Or do i have to learn it the hard way?
I've read somewhere before that a girl judge her r/s by how often they kiss. I guess it's i am this kind of girl. And the last kiss was about 2 to 3 months ago? The fact that i cant even remember the last kiss means something. It means that i haven been kissing him for a long time.
No, i do not want any kisses on the cheek. Kiss me; kiss me real.
Ever felt like everything is on the balance scale, balanced. Yet, there is still unhappiness? Wads the missing ingredient in it? I have nnnooo idea. I'm just generally not happy. Why?!
Maybe I'm just not ready to love. Just caught Valentine's day in theathers today: love is to love every single part of the person, even the worst. Sounds hard to me. Sometimes i wonder is it the lack of experience that makes me what i am today.. Or do i have to learn it the hard way?
Monday, August 10, 2009
When 10 waves come crashing
A girl will always be upset when her boyfriend forgets their anniversary day.
It hurts even more when it falls on a public holiday every year and they've spent that holiday together since they met each other.
Now imagine it coupled with a quarrel with a friend..
090809... imagine a girl walking in a park at 2pm. tears flowing down her cheeks. all she could do was to feel sorry for herself. Holding on to her own words, not wanting to be the weakling, giving in.
yes, i'm a total loser.
Sunday's speaker said- deep down inside, we're all lonely. Well, for me it is. Friends- are they really there? My sis.. my dear sis.. she's long long gone. I've tried so freaking many times to hold her back. It's no use. Nothing can be done with just one party trying so hard to hold on to the other one.. I give up. Wheather or not she's worth it... I'm tired.
Sometimes i wonder.. if something happened, wld anyone know? Would the mighty 3 know? Nothing runs deep, it's all superficial.
While working, i have this colleague that talks on the phone with her best friends rather often. I hear her talk, it's so different from how we work. why? They have genuine concern for each other. No one ever showed me that. I often feel that whatever problems just becomes gossip topics.
Moving on.. that guy. Am i losing him? or is he losing me? Can i accept that this is him? His life? It defies the whole reason why i fell in love in the first place. Sometimes i wonder wld another guy come sweep me off? wld i remain here? Is there a better one out there for me? that's being selfish eh? Or maybe i shld say, is there someone better out there for both of us?
I have so much fear.. Fear of losing. Fear of unfarmiliarity. Fear of loneliness. Fear of sadness. But does that equate to love?
Somehow this love has alrdy set his throne in my heart. I've put in so much that i cant back out. Or rather, too afraid to back out..
Am i looking for these little things he can give me? or do i want those that he cant?
It hurts even more when it falls on a public holiday every year and they've spent that holiday together since they met each other.
Now imagine it coupled with a quarrel with a friend..
090809... imagine a girl walking in a park at 2pm. tears flowing down her cheeks. all she could do was to feel sorry for herself. Holding on to her own words, not wanting to be the weakling, giving in.
yes, i'm a total loser.
Sunday's speaker said- deep down inside, we're all lonely. Well, for me it is. Friends- are they really there? My sis.. my dear sis.. she's long long gone. I've tried so freaking many times to hold her back. It's no use. Nothing can be done with just one party trying so hard to hold on to the other one.. I give up. Wheather or not she's worth it... I'm tired.
Sometimes i wonder.. if something happened, wld anyone know? Would the mighty 3 know? Nothing runs deep, it's all superficial.
While working, i have this colleague that talks on the phone with her best friends rather often. I hear her talk, it's so different from how we work. why? They have genuine concern for each other. No one ever showed me that. I often feel that whatever problems just becomes gossip topics.
Moving on.. that guy. Am i losing him? or is he losing me? Can i accept that this is him? His life? It defies the whole reason why i fell in love in the first place. Sometimes i wonder wld another guy come sweep me off? wld i remain here? Is there a better one out there for me? that's being selfish eh? Or maybe i shld say, is there someone better out there for both of us?
I have so much fear.. Fear of losing. Fear of unfarmiliarity. Fear of loneliness. Fear of sadness. But does that equate to love?
Somehow this love has alrdy set his throne in my heart. I've put in so much that i cant back out. Or rather, too afraid to back out..
Am i looking for these little things he can give me? or do i want those that he cant?
Tuesday, July 14, 2009
Am all sad.
A reply that hurts.
I should focus on some other things. I so so so feel like picking up this failed friendship so as to counter to him befriending my best girlfriend. A bond that i can never break.
I had many bad experiences with friendships in the past. Learning experiences.. These helped me meet my true friends today. Yet, i never expect these experiences can actually be used to help describe this relationship.
U expect me to stop questioning? Then what are YOU doing about it?! U felt like you did your best in assuring and maintaing your anger. Yah! that's bcos u're not outside the situation, looking at it at a broader view.. YOU are the one angry, how can then.. YOU feel like you've given in?
How about ME taking in all your anger? taking in all your hurtful words, taking in all your shouts. have u thought about that?!
and me blogging in our blog, just look at how many entries are yours and how many mine.
I should focus on some other things. I so so so feel like picking up this failed friendship so as to counter to him befriending my best girlfriend. A bond that i can never break.
I had many bad experiences with friendships in the past. Learning experiences.. These helped me meet my true friends today. Yet, i never expect these experiences can actually be used to help describe this relationship.
U expect me to stop questioning? Then what are YOU doing about it?! U felt like you did your best in assuring and maintaing your anger. Yah! that's bcos u're not outside the situation, looking at it at a broader view.. YOU are the one angry, how can then.. YOU feel like you've given in?
How about ME taking in all your anger? taking in all your hurtful words, taking in all your shouts. have u thought about that?!
and me blogging in our blog, just look at how many entries are yours and how many mine.
Tuesday, July 7, 2009
Rant 21
he said it again. for the hundredth time. WHAT THE HELL. asshole. he's such a jerk. I totally feel like going ahead with it. but it hurts. damn bad. FREAKING JERK. i hate him for hurting me so much. STUPID me. i hate this!!
hais, why do i put so much into this. i cant seem to back out.
hais, why do i put so much into this. i cant seem to back out.
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